S I G H T S

 

Searching for a Real Gay Man

by Hemal Jhaveri

A few weeks ago, over a mostly liquid Sunday brunch of Bloody Marys and Mimosas, a friend of mine leaned across the table and exclaimed, You so wish you were a gay man. The comment, while a little out of the blue, was not entirely off target.   

There are plenty of straight women, who, like me, harbor some version of the same fantasy. With the current media frenzy over gay culture presenting images that are irresistible, can you blame us?

Gay male characters on television are something of a hip staple these days, but despite their ubiquitous presence, the representations of gay men have been disconcertingly one-dimensional. Few shows, if any, and certainly none on network TV, have presented well-defined, complicated gay characters that might challenge existing perceptions of gay culture and masculinity. Unfortunately, by only reinforcing perceptions that viewers are already comfortable with, a vast majority of these shows preserve the status quo rather then challenge it.

When it debuted this summer, jumping into an already over-crowded genre, the make better, not over reality show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy brought the joys of being gay to a whole new audience. Carson, Thom, Kyan, Jai and Ted, the queer eyes who seem to have kicked off the current cultural infatuation with gayness, function like ambassadors of homosexuality to the straight world. They seem to have woo-ed an entire nation (or at least a large portion of straight women) with their charm and wit, as if daring Middle America to dislike them.

The men are bitingly funny and catty and snarky in the way that your best girlfriends are, but with much better punch lines. In one episode Thom snipes about the d”or of a straight guys apartment: Youve heard of minimalism right? Well this is bleak. And then theres Carson on a newly made over space: Oh look! You put a living room where the crack den used to be. Watching the show, you cant help but giggle along. 

Queer Eye treads lightly when it comes to acknowledging the stereotypes to which all five guys play. Kyan (the grooming guy) approached the topic with make-over candidate John, as he received a day at the spa. Kyan asks, What would your friends back in Virginia say if they saw you like this?" The fully wrapped and relaxed John replies, That probably cant be repeated on TV. Indeed, while John appears genuinely grateful to have the experience, he acknowledges the perception that it seems kind of girly.

With Queer Eye, the underlying message seems to be that if you just got to know us, youd love us, and this strikes me as being quite possibly true. With its affable hosts, disarming charm and bitchy, but well-meaning, wit, Queer Eye feels like an especially well-executed marketing campaign for homosexuality. Ill admit that Ive been won over. Queer Eye makes for great television viewing, but its wholly dismissive (and far too easy) to assume thats where gay culture begins and ends.

By clinging to existing stereotypes, and mainly seeing all gay people as savants of style, we marginalize and dilute the complicated lives of many. In ignoring gay men’s sexuality, we project a condescending tolerance of a lifestyle, implying that homosexuality is all well and good, unless it actually involves sex.

Queer Eye seems to be the rule for gay men on TV: cute, white, charming and totally asexual. But there are a few, though not very prominent, exceptions that challenge the rules. 

Keith, from HBOs Six Feet Under, is one of the most compelling and well-developed gay characters on TV. A gay, African American, ex-cop with a mean temper, he hardly fits into the mold that is currently being fashioned via Queer Eye. While Keiths sexuality is important in defining him, it isnt the only characteristic we view him with. Were shown the complete picture of a man, with depth, dimension and ambiguity. In addition to being gay, Keith is also a loving father figure, a son, and an officer with his own authority issues.  

In a scene from last season, Keith and his partner David attended a brunch with mostly other gay men, where they play a party game called Leading Ladies. The game embodies a stereotypical camp factor, asking party-goers to guess the names of various Hollywood starlets. David, Keiths partner, quickly dispenses with his turn, while Keith struggles. By the end, Keith is so uncomfortable and obviously out of place, that a woman mockingly asks, Are you sure youre gay?  The brunch scene underscores tensions already building up in David and Keiths volatile relationship, but were subtly shown that there exists an established culture that not everyone fits into. Its this depiction of a gay character existing outside of his sexuality and the stereotypes that come with it that is fascinating to watch and so rarely seen on television. 

Cable networks like HBO and Showtime have embraced the same sex relationship, but one of the rare instances on network TV was found, surprisingly enough, on CBSs reality show The Amazing Race. While Will and Grace gets credit for breaking the genre wide open, and NBC now runs half-hours versions of Queer Eye in a prime time slot, neither of these shows present an extended look at a committed same sex relationship (although Will does try periodically). The Amazing Race flew in under the radar this summer and offered viewers the voyeuristic pleasure of spying on relationships under pressure. 

Chip and Reichen, the gay couple that won the race around the world, were identified as married. Whether the labeling was a calculated move to generate interest in the show or not, it caused a ripple of controversy with conservative action groups like the American Decency Association and sparked more then a few heated discussions on internet forums about the validity of such a claim.

Despite some grumbling, viewers had the opportunity to see the internal dynamics of a committed gay relationship, and surprise surprise; it wasnt that different from what wed expect from a heterosexual one. If anything, Reichen and Chips relationship differed in that it was annoyingly perfect and — except for a brief incident involving Reichens foot being run over — conflict-free. They exhibited none of the dysfunction (Mille and Chuck) and bickering (Kelly and Jon) that marked almost every other romantic couple on the race. At one point, describing his relationship with Reichen, Chip sweetly said: Reichen and I are just clicking without even asking, which is a really nice thing. We just do things for each other and don’t step on each other’s toes and realize that it’s all for the same goal. 

Filtered through the magic of editing or not, what viewers were left with on screen was a portrait of a healthy, supportive, loving and mutually respectful relationship. We should all be so lucky. The show presented them as fiercely competitive, aggressive in nature, and physically fit. Reichen and Chip challenged the stereotypes that all gay men are good for is fashion advice and snarky remarks.

While Reichen and Chip are married, though, we never saw them exchange a kiss. The gay-themed programming were seeing now offers up a straight sanitized version of homosexuality, one that excludes all mention, of, well, sex. Bravo, for example, kept Boy Meets Boy as asexual as possible. It may be the only dating show that had an explicit no sex rule. Participants were allowed to kiss each other, but a few episodes in and viewers had yet to see a simple smooch between any of the gay (or straight, when that turned out to be the case) participants and James. The only person James repeatedly kissed was gal pal Andra.

The social taboo that exists between same sex couples kissing or showing any kind of physical affection towards each other is so strong that its presented a somewhat warped perspective on homosexuality. The current line of programming seems to suggest that gay men are only different from heterosexual men in that they have a better sense of style and a better sense of humor. While acts of lesbian sexuality have held a more accepted and erotic image in the sexual mythology of American culture, there still exist strong social taboos surrounding men kissing other men. Showtimes Queer as Folk, a series about a group of gay men, can be intimidating with its aggressive sexuality, but the explicit portrayals present an honest look at the characters lives, one that viewers arent always comfortable with.  

By prime time standards, gay sexuality is something that audiences dont seem to be ready for. Yet, if networks continue to ignore the topic and treat sex as the dirt little secret of homosexuality, thats best not seen or heard of, it sends the message that homosexuality is indeed something best swept under the rug and not discussed honestly.

This inequality between whats presented on TV and accepted in real life is all the more apparent when the issue of legalizing gay marriages comes up. One of the reasons I so enjoyed watching Chip and Richen on The Amazing Race was seeing them interact as a couple and realizing that behind the label of being gay, there existed two individuals, not caricatures, which is what a lot of shows seem to present us with.

This current trend in programming may just be a passing fad, or it could lead to a more lasting, even-handed reflection of the gay community (one that may actually include a lesbian), but as of now they do little to combat peoples preexisting prejudices.

Unfortunately, it looks like this static trend in programming will continue into the new fall season. ABCs new sitcom Its All Relative has two gay parents at the center of its show, but it, too, is contrived and stereotypical. As expected, the gay men are shown as uptight, flamboyant, neat freaks paired with equally stereotypical Irish in-laws, presented as loud, crass, buffoonish drunks. Bring on the laughs!

The number of gay themed programs and gay characters on television continues to grow, but how effective they are at changing and challenging long-held stereotypes is debatable. The problem now isnt one of exposure, but of seeing more complicated and varying depictions of gay men and women. The representations of gay men on TV, with so few exceptions, risk railroading an entire minority group into an egregious asexual (but certainly well-groomed) clich” 

P O P  F O R U M
Discuss gay characters on television in Mixed Media

Hemal Jhaveri is a Web designer and writer in the Washington, D.C., area.

Related Sites
GLAAD (the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) analyzed the 2003-2004 network lineup last month — seeing It’s All Relative as "groundbreaking."  GLAAD also maintains a "Where We Are on TV" database of all gay and lesbian characters and "TV Gayed," a weekly guide to "what’s LGBT on TV."
The Media Awareness Network devotes a section of their site to "Representations of Gay and Lesbians on Television" 
For a sharp (if slightly dated) academic analysis on the portrayals of gay men in film and television, check out "The Queen in Shining Armor: Safe Eroticism and the Gay Friend" in the Journal of Popular Film and Television (Spring 2000).
Finally, what happened to representations of lesbian women after Ellen? After Ellen.com keeps track.