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Holy Touchdown! by Richard C. Crepeau No Aquinas, he! If you find Deion’s imagery a bit thin in theological clout, then the merchandise available at Catholic Supply of St. Louis might be a bit more to your liking. Here you will find an array of items mixing sport and religion in the most banal, yet somehow aggressively tasteless, fashion. It seems that when it comes to merchandising religious kitsch, there is no bottom. Let us explore the abyss. At the top of the line are the Jesus Sports Statues, 6-inch high figurines showing the Son of God in sports action with children. For $20 you can be the first at your church to own one of these inspirational collectibles. Currently available for six sports, each figurine is seemingly bent on outdoing the others in sheer wackiness.
The baseball motif shows Jesus helping a young boy with his swing. (The gospel song, “Jesus at the Home Plate,” comes to mind.) Another small boy serves as the catcher, and safety freaks will notice he is not wearing a mask or other protective gear. Or perhaps added religious meaning is intended. Soccer Jesus is in a running pose with the ball on his toe, moving it forward to two other boys. Robes and sandals seem to be no problem for this Pele divinity. Basketball Jesus is either about to toss the jump ball, or he is doing a Wilt-like maneuver, holding the ball over his head to the frustration of the two small boys below. I prefer to think of it as the latter, offering a valuable lesson in real world situations. For the track and field athletes, Jesus is assisting in passing the baton from one boy to the other. I don’t think this is what the Rev. Malcolm Boyd had in mind when he wrote, "Are you running with me, Jesus?" Nonetheless, the heavy-handed symbolism is overwhelming and no doubt intended to be spiritually enervating. More troubling are the hockey and football figurines. For the hockey statuette, Jesus is the third man in on a face-off. This not only pushes the rulebook, but is an aesthetic violation: Three sticks in a face-off is very messy. They need to take this one back to the drawing board. I would suggest going with Jesus dropping the puck for the face-off. The symbolism there would be richer and the figurine visually more appealing.
Moving on to other items, I was surprised to learn that St. Sebastian is the "patron saint of athletes." Naturally this means there is a St. Sebastian Medal, sterling silver, on a 24-inch "endless chain." Personally I would prefer to think of it as an eternal chain. Saintly support is available for just $24.95, and each medal comes in an attractive gift box. If the St. Sebastian medal is too generic, then try the St. Christopher "sport" medals, available for 12 gender-specific sports at a cost of $19.95. Those who thought that St. Christopher had been purged, rejoice! He is back, although perhaps not on your dashboard. The gender breakdown by sport is quite interesting. Wresting, weightlifting, snowmobiling, skateboarding, lacrosse, karate, baseball, fishing, and hockey are listed only for boys; while ballet, field hockey, figure skating, gymnastics, softball, volleyball, and cheerleading are listed for girls. Basketball, bowling, soccer, golf, rollerblading, swimming, skiing, snowboarding, and tennis medal protection are available for both boys and girls. The rationale for these categories would no doubt make for revealing reading for both gender justification and definitions of sport.
The other kind of medal that is intriguing to me, and one that did not exist when I was coming of age in Catholic schools, is the Angel Pin. These little gems, 1 inch in size, available only by the dozen for $59.40, are two-tone pewter and 24-karat gold. Each angel is holding a piece of sport equipment. The pins are available in hockey, golf, basketball, bowling, lacrosse, tennis, softball and fishing styles. They are not gender specific by sport. It would appear that this is an attempt to resurrect the theology of guardian angels, a concept that was very much a part of my Catholic education, but one that never seemed to help me at exam time. Sport Dog Tags, $4.95 each, are available for hockey, soccer, basketball, baseball, track and football. These feature a silhouette of a figure in action, and a cross. They are in the traditional dog tag shape. But do they help you jump? There is a vast range of other sporting items with religious themes. Framed prints — 9 x 11-inch walnut frames at $19.95 each — encourage teamwork and effort. "Jesus on the Soccer Field" captures "the delight felt by Christ when we strive to do our best." "Batting for Christ" encourages persistence and "You don’t have to be a Little League star to appreciate the message."
For the golfer there is a series of items, far more than just medals. The "Golfer’s Security Prayer Plaque" is only $9, while the "10 Commandments of Golfing Plaque" will set you back $14.95. Who passed on these commandments? Bobby Jones? Arnold Palmer? Or were they found in a bunker on a Scottish Links Course? Old Testament or New? The gem in this section is the "Stay the Course Golf Cap," also available as a towel. The sales pitch says it all: "On the links, in the clubhouse or at home you can give your Christian witness and stay on course for the Lord." Bag of tees included. You wouldn’t think it could get much better than this. But now, available for the first time, are "Sports Holy Bears." These white teddy bears represent 10 different sports and seem to be related to the "Cherished Teddies-Plush Sports Dolls." Each bear costs only $9.95 and comes with the appropriate sporting equipment sewn on its chest. Look out Beanie Babies! I don’t want to offend anyone here, but it seems to me that all of this mixing of sport and religious merchandise from Catholic Supply is evidence of the corruption of American Catholicism by the purveyors of Positive Thinking Protestantism. This poorly veiled mix of Bruce Barton and Norman Vincent Peale platitudes has penetrated the Catholic mainstream. It is a derivative of what Jonathan Edwards called "Smiling Christianity," a form of comfortable theology made available in New England for the new burgeoning middle class merchants of the early 18th century. It now has arrived for the new century in all of its American merchandising glory and splendor. Pass the peanut butter and jelly. Enter the Pop Forum Richard C. Crepeau is a professor of history at the University of Central Florida in Orlando. He is the author of Baseball: America’s Diamond Mind (click here to purchase). Related Sites |
