V E R G E | Student Kane

On The Record

A summer slump plagues a news reporter in
search of a few good quotes 

by Nicholas Morehead

It started out as a joke among a few of the wise asses I call
friends. Upon hearing that I would attend journalism school, a certain faction
managed to work "Can I quote you on that?" into unrelated bits of
conversation. It got worse. Soon I would receive letters from my family that
opened with: "A yellow Labrador retriever known as “Harry” was found
outside the confines of an invisible fence yesterday after it somehow managed to
slip out of its electric collar, according to sources close to the dog."

Now, a year and a master’s degree later, finding someone who will agree
to be quoted on the record is proving difficult. I’ve hit a slump, and it’s
a bad one. Over the past two weeks I’m batting just below .200 trying to
get comments from people for stories. The ink on my diploma isn’t even dry
yet, and I’m wondering if I have what it takes to deal with what I can only
call the run-around.

It starts with this story idea, you see, and it’s so good
you can feel it - you can practically read it. But you can’t write it,
really, until the right people in the right places give you some verbiage. You
know what time it is: It’s call time - there’s a hot story out there
but it’s not squat unless you manage to wrangle some quotes.

This is the hellish reality that has been greeting me every
morning these past two weeks.

With Congress on summer recess and while my boss was out of
town at the Democratic
Convention, I was relegated to the odd research job. It meant getting to sleep in a
little, and quality time to work on perfecting the ass groove on my couch. But those
perks provided little comfort compared to the pain of having to get that
special someone to sing like a canary.

Take Al Gore’s pick for VP, Sen. Joseph
Lieberman, for
example. One issue of importance to Lieberman is violence in the media.
Lieberman even likened the violence in video games to the horror of the
Littleton, Colo. shootings. Boom - there’s a story. Lieberman as vice president
could pose a serious threat to the video game industry - an increasingly
lucrative and powerful interest.

Now, I don’t harbor delusions of grandeur and didn’t expect the guy
to agree to a sit-down interview. But I must have called over a dozen game
magazines, manufacturers and makers and not one would give me something. Not to
mention Lieberman’s various camps in D.C., Connecticut, and on the road in Los
Angeles. Each of them, in their own systematic, calculated way, gave me the
run-around.

The excuses are myriad, each more frustrating than the
previous. The person who handles that issue is not in yet. I’m going to have
to check on that and get back to you. Oh, I’m sorry, they’re not in the
office right now/not at their desk/on the other line. Voice mail? Sure! Thought
you’d never ask.

It’s devastating to have to report back to your boss at the
end of the day with nothing to show for your efforts. At 25 and a week out of
school, I feel as though I’m already succumbing to professional impotence, and
the only Viagra that will help is the wisdom that comes from experience.

But who’s got time for that crap when you’ve got a
deadline? Patience might be a virtue, but getting someone to talk is a rush pure
and simple. It’s a seductive feeling; the only worry you have is getting all
the good parts down. The drought, however, has been so bad that my life feels
like that of a car salesman half the time. I’ve even caught myself thinking that I
wouldn’t call me back, either.

Has this always been the case? Why wasn’t there a class on
the run-around? Hey, a little help down here?

I know, I have issues. But as my job hunt begins to
materialize, I don’t need this cloud following me around. I never thought I’d
miss the incestuous bickering of Congress, but representatives call you back, or
at least their press staff does.

Hey, I did just got one call, it’s from my boss with today’s
assignment: Carnivore and the
FBI. This ought to be easy.

Nicholas
Morehead just completed his
master’s degree at American University and is currently reporting for Wired
News. Student Kane appears here on most Wednesdays. Click here to read the
previous column.

Need a quote? Here is a modest list of some of the best and worst movies about journalism:

In I Love Trouble
(1994), Nick Nolte and Julia Roberts, who play reporters from competing Chicago
papers, team up on a hot story. One of the many unrealistic moments in this
over-the-top film - watching Roberts’ character cover a nighttime train wreck
wearing heels.
All the
President’s Men (1976) Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman take over for
Woodward and Bernstein in this classic Watergate film.
Meet John Doe (1941), starring Gary Cooper and Barbara Stanwyck and
directed by Frank Capra, depicts a newspaper’s cynical manipulation of its
audience and the man "hired" to make a social protest. Great stuff.
Broadcast News
(1987) Picking up on the news-as-entertainment spin, the cast includes William
Hurt as the pretty boy out for ratings and Al Brooks and Holly Hunter as the
journalists who give a damn.