BILL WARREN: Hi folks, my name’s Bill Warren. Like a lot of other people, my family took a big hit in the stock market recently. Although I used to keep most of our money in the bank, all that talk about 20-percent-plus-annual-returns in the market finally got the better of me. I invested almost everything. My broker talked me into putting most of it into high tech companies. When the NASDAQ crashed, we were pretty much cleaned out.

I’ve had to push back my retirement plans. What bothers me a lot more, though, is that my daughter had to drop out of college for at least a year and get a full time job. Still, I guess in some ways we’re lucky. God knows my friend Stan has it a lot worse.

[The spotlight moves to the opposite side of the stage where a second middle-aged man, also dressed in a suit, is sitting on a stool]

STAN COOPER: I’m Bill’s friend, Stan Cooper. I used to work for a little company, you may have heard of, named Enron. Financially, it was a good gig. I pulled down a solid salary, my retirement plan was stuffed full of the company’s sky-high stock, and I had a little extra money that I personally invested in some other stocks.

You know, of course, what happened next. Enron’s collapse cost me my job and wiped out my retirement account. Then the downturn in the rest of the market did the same for my other investments. So here I am, 55 years old, broke and unemployed.

But this musical isn’t about Bill and me; we’re just your guides. This is a story about corporate America. And where better to begin than with my old employer, Enron.

Let me set the scene: It begins in the executive dinning room. All the big shots are there, including Ken Lay, the CEO. They have one thing on their minds — unloading Enron shares.

[The spotlight shifts to centerstage, where six impeccably dressed men are pacing around a formal dining table.]

KEN LAY: OK, everyone, let’s review the game plan one more time.

[The group huddles together and sings.]

[A platform rises from beneath the stage, revealing several cafeteria-style tables. A dozen Enron employees are seated, having lunch. The Enron executives start clapping their hands and sing.]

BILL WARREN: As corporate scandals continued to spread and the market continued to tank, ordinary people started doing something they hadn’t done in years — asking questions about corporate practices. Before you can get any answers, however, you first have to fight your way through all the “patriotic” trappings. My God, these corporate big wigs have become a patriotic bunch, especially since Sept. 11. They can’t sell a jar of pickles anymore without first wrapping it in an American flag.

STAN COOPER: So in honor of this vigorous “Madison Avenue Patriotism,” our musical will now feature a patriotic medley.

[A black curtain rises, revealing 50 American flags planted on the stage. A group of men and women wearing "CEO" badges march in from either side and do a figure-eight routine before finding their places by each flag.]

SECOND CEO: Don’t worry about that. Sure, they may pass a statute or two, but there won’t be any meat to them. There are two little words that give us that guarantee: campaign contributions. Let me explain it this way:

BILL WARREN: Well, Stan, there you have it. Big corporations, not all, but a lot of them, cook the books, ship jobs to overseas sweat shops, use offshore accounts to avoid paying taxes and foul up our environment. And our political leaders don’t do a darn thing about it because they’ve been bought off by corporate campaign contributions.

STAN COOPER: Do you think things will ever change, Bill?

BILL WARREN: I don’t know, Stan, maybe someday, when people get mad enough.

STAN COOPER: Yeah, maybe you’re right. But I guess in the meanwhile, all any of us can do is to just keep on singing those bear market blues.

[The entire cast returns on stage and hums backup as Bill and Stan sing.]

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Steven C. Day is an attorney practicing in Wichita, Kansas. His previous columns can be found here.