I M P R E S S I O N S

Songs of Enron
Sometimes life just needs a tune 

by Steven C. Day

1.23.02 | The Enron mess has affected people in different ways. Some are sad, others blood-boiling mad and a few, like Treasury Secretary Paul O”Neill, apparently couldn’t care less. My response to the scandal, strangely enough, has been to break into song. In fact, I’ve written a two-act musical about it: Songs of Enron.

ACT I

Our story begins two years ago, in happier times. The economy is flush, and the Bush campaign is revved up and going strong. As the curtain rises, Karl Rove is describing Bush’s close relationship with Enron to a young campaign worker:

“BUSH AND ENRON”
(To the tune of “Love and Marriage”)

Bush and Enron
Bush and Enron
Go together
Like an atom and a proton
This I tell you brother
You won’t find one without the other
Bush and Enron, Bush and Enron
This boy from Texas ain’t no moron
To win you need a lot of money
And you won’t get it without some honey

Bush and Enron, Bush and Enron
Go together like an atom and a proton
Bush was told by his father
Think of Enron as your brother

Next, the musical moves into its biggest production number, which features both Congress and the president, as the stage is set for Enron’s collapse. As the scene opens, the Congressional Chorus, made up of cigar-chomping pols, offers a tribute to the joys of loose political money:

“DONORS ARE A POL”S BEST FRIEND”
(To the tune of “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend”)

A good cause is grand
And can be an inspiration
But donors are a pol’s best friend.
Giving the poor a hand
Won’t help your aspiration
To win the next election
Or get a leadership selection.

The members of Congress part the aisle as House Speaker Dennis Hastert announces Bush’s entrance. Bush steps up to the podium, hushes the crowd and tips his 10-gallon hat toward Vice President Dick Cheney. The lights dim for his solo:

“THERE”S NO BUSINESS LIKE BIG BUSINESS”
(To the tune of “There’s No Business Like Show Business’)

There’s no business like big business
When it comes to doling out dough.
Everything about it is appealing;
Every dime the law will allow.
I know their motives are revealing
That they expect to profit somehow.

(The Congressional Chorus joins in for the last two lines:)

Let’s get on with the dough
Let’s get on with the dough!

ACT II

Act II opens with Ken Lay sitting at his computer, composing e-mails touting the corporation’s stock to Enron employees. Yellow smiley faces are posted above his desk.

DON’T WORRY, BUY ENRON
(To the tune of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”)

Here’s a little message I wrote
It may make you cash in your bank note
Don’t worry - Buy Enron

Finally, as the scandal breaks wide open and Enron slides into bankruptcy, the dramatic conclusion unfolds. CEO Lay, alone on the rooftop of Enron’s headquarters in Houston, Texas, sings:

Don’t Cry For Me My Employees
(To the tune of “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina”)

Don’t cry for me my employees
The truth is I’ve always deceived you
I sold my stock quick
Though you couldn’t sell yours
I kept my profits
Now keep your distance

Have I said too much?
I should be careful of what I say to you
But all you have to do is look at my bank account to know
That every word is true

As the climax approaches, dozens of reporters run onto the stage, firing questions about the scandal in every direction. Just then, Bush rides into view atop a great white steed. “Follow me into the next great battle in the war on terrorism,” he shouts, before galloping off stage with all of the press running after him. The audience, playing the role of the public, applauds.

THE END

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Steven C. Day is an attorney practicing in Wichita, Kansas. His previous columns can be found here.

Related Sites
Richard Cohen of the Washington Post says Enron isn’t a political scandal, it’s an outrage.
Writing in the New York Times, screenwriter Patricia Marx laments her decision not to follow the Enron story from day one ("Sure, you can read all you want at any time, but if you miss the first crucial days, you will never catch up. It’s like missing the first few weeks of kindergarten …") We feel her pain. Here’s a primer: Understanding Enron.