Get the Feed
|
S I G H T S
Freaks and Geeks
by Chris Wright If Barney the Purple Dinosaur ever needs a sidekick, he’d need look no further than Survivor: Africa’s own Linda Spencer. She can sing, she can dance, she can speak in a sing-songy voice and she can rouse youngsters from naptime and get them to read aloud. The problem, of course, is that her niceness is entirely unconvincing. So maybe Barney should seek someone else for an “I love you, you love me” duet. Indeed, the problem with Linda, and several other Survivors, is that they try to assume roles no director would ever cast them in. Take Samburu’s Silas, for instance. He wants desperately to be this year’s Colby. He remembers how Colby lit a fire under Ogakor last season after that tribe lost three immunity challenges in a row and was on the verge of emotional and physical desiccation. Ogakor rallied, took control of the game and Colby nearly won. So dear Silas, after his tribe suffers though a wrenching deadlock at Tribal Council, attempts to rally the troops before the reward challenge. He gets down on one knee, like a football coach straight out of Rudy — no, not that Rudy — and gathers the team around. “Dag-gommit,” he says. “I realize the situation right now guys, [but] let’s come together right now as a team. ” Let’s get fired up here and win this!” Several problems are apparent, not the least of which is the use of “Dag-gommit,” which we haven’t heard since The Beverly Hillbillies. First of all, it’s hard to motivate the rest of your tribe when only half of the members like or trust you. The Baby Boomers see Silas as a traitor, someone who pledged his loyalty and then turned against them without blinking. He speaks of valuing ’strength and honor,” but his deeds don’t measure up. And of course, his speech is thoroughly unconvincing. “That football thing,” says Linda, ‘maybe it’s genuine, [but] it seemed so cheesy!”
"Don’t plug in the curling irons!" Courtesy of: Worse, Silas is the youngest person in Samburu. He’s 23. He’s the one who was most recently in training pants. If he wants to lead this tribe, he’ll need some Kennedy-esque toughness and charisma that really makes an impression — unless he wants to wind up the Survivor equivalent of Dan Quayle. Unfortunately, Silas’ ineffective speechmaking and blind ambition overshadows any charisma he may wish to portray. Ladies and gentlemen, Silas is no Colby Donaldson. Meanwhile, back at Boran, we’ve got Tom the Wonder Boy. Or at least that’s what he wants his tribe to think. Why else would a 40-something overweight farmer expend precious energy to try to climb a 40-foot-tall branchless tree, all for a few pieces of fruit? Young Clarence, probably the strongest Survivor this season, was dumb enough to sneak food on day three, but even he knows climbing the tree is, well, fruitless: “I thought he was nuts.” Nope, just trying to act your age. We’ve also got Samburu’s Lindsey stubbornly trying to recast herself. “When I’m pumped, you don’t want to fuck with me. Don’t underestimate me, people!” the Super Girl-wannabe angrily declares to Frank, Linda and Theresa early in Episode 4 while brushing her teeth with a twig. This, not long after she collapsed with dehydration during a not-so-physically demanding challenge (prompting four team members to vote to evict her at Tribal Council) and scored 50 percent on a survival quiz. Linda, meanwhile, spends much of her time trying to be head cheerleader to Silas’ football coach, and fails miserably. She’s been given the handbook on how to get voted off Survivor as fast as possible. After Silas’ aforementioned speech, Lindsey half-heartedly apologizes for her post-Tribal Council attitude, which leads Linda to bow before her with a loud “Thhhank yooouuuu!” She then begins dancing up and down, yelling, “I’ve been dying to be on this team! Let me on the team!” Um, not if you’re acting like that, lady. She then tries to hug Lindsey, and when she balks, Linda says, “Why can’t you hug me? ” Did your momma never hug ya?” Linda then accuses Lindsey of using anger and ’strength” to mask her devastation at having half her tribe vote against her. Lindsey breaks down, her tough front shattered, validating Linda’s point. This observation proves to be practically the only smart thing Linda says or does in this episode (that we are shown, at least). The rest of the tribe is freaked: “Linda this morning really came unglued, [like a] crazy woman,” Brandon says. Linda’s Baby Boomer bud Theresa comments on the Web-exclusive Survivor Insider: “Linda did some kind of fancy-dancey thing ” I have not seen that look on Linda’s face. [If I were Lindsey] I’d have a hard time forgetting that.” And Lindsey says it right to Linda’s face later: “I saw a side to you that I’m really nervous about.” It should be noted that Linda and Lindsey later made up, but you can only see that scene online. Linda apologized for her ‘momma” comment, and then they hugged — for real. But the damage was done. Sincere in her efforts or not, Linda tried her darndest to hug and dance her way into the Gen X-er’s hearts — but instead wound up on their ballots. Her ill-fated attempts should be a lesson to others, mainly Silas and Lindsey, who attempt to be something they’re not. In the end, Linda was about as convincing in the role of tribal cheerleader as Survivor 2 witch/actress Jerri Manthey would be playing June Cleaver.
Next Week: Heck if we know. CBS is being cryptic about an unexpected "twist" that destroys tribal alliances and friendships. The leading theories: The tribes must swap three members each, or are split into three groups of four that live and vote together, but compete separately. Chris Wright, an admitted Survivor addict since Season 1, Episode 3, spends his days as a copy editor for Federal Computer Week in Falls Church, Va. He previously wrote about how the media turns crime stories into narratives. His take on Survivor will appear here each week.
Related Sites |
